ObamaCare-less.

You can keep your Doctor if you want.

Your current plan doesn't fit the O' Care requirements, so it's dropped.
You must Choose from the O'Care plans if you want health insurance.

The website is broken so you have no plan and no doctor.

The website is fixed but your Doctor is not on any of those new plans.
You can't keep your doctor.
You can keep your doctor if you want if we didn't drop your plan or he was on the new plans. 

You have to choose a new doctor from a third world country who is willing to work at O'Care minimum wage. 
You can still keep your doctor if you want...whose name you can't even pronounce. 

I never said you can keep your SAME doctor.

Equal Pay-n

I am a feminist
Women are equal to Men

I am a feminist
I believe Men are Trash

Women are equal to men therefore women are also trash.

___________________________________________________

Men are making 50 thousand a year and I am making 45 thousand
Women should get equal pay as Men
I deserve a salary of 50 thousand to match the men in my company.

I rise in the ranks through the no longer existing glass ceiling.
I now make 250 thousand a year.  The men are making 150 thousand a year
Women should get equal pay as Men
I deserve a salary of 150 thousand to match the men in my company. 

Hadith you get there Mr. Jihadi?

Stories or our Prophet (insert ritual blessings) written in the Hadith, were passed down from person to person.  We know that thousands of Stories were fake and that stories can alter as they are passed down from person to person orally.  
Therefore, we have no way of knowing what is correct or not, nor what has been altered as it passed from person to person.

So I, a respected cleric, have selected only the stories about our Prophet passed in a chain of reliable scholars.
Some of these selected stories contradict each other.
Logically, they both can not be true.
However, the scholars are reliable and what the Prophet said is always true.
Therefore, we cannot use reason or logic and can never question.

Allah Hu Akbar.

Some fake stories have crept in to our Holy Hadith.
However they are already tradition and therefore holy and true.
Therefore, we cannot use reason or logic and can never question.

Why debate doesn't work.

There is no objective truth, only opinion and a different narrative. 

Therefore, I can never be wrong and what you say is always untrue.

The masters of penguin logic are the Politicians.  Too bad that is all they are good for.

Are you Serious?

I am open to your ideas and willing to compromise
However you never bring up anything serious or realistic to compromise with

I am open to listen to your ideas
But you know there is no way I will implement any ideas that are different than mine
Any different ideas you bring up will never be implemented and are therefore unrealistic
You never bring up any realistic ideas.

Let's be bi-partisan.
Support my ideas.

I am willing to have a serious debate.
If you agree with me, I will take you seriously.
I am willing to entertain any questions, as long as they are on topic.
Any questions that show you are in disagreement can't be taken seriously and are therefore off-topic

I am willing to compromise
However you never bring up anything serious or realistic to compromise with

A Capital idea

I am creating a powerful goverment that will be benevolent
I am protecting the people from evil Capitalists and Corporations
We will all be poor but we will be safe and happy with full employment
I will of course be the benevolent feudal lord and protect my poor serfs
Since I have all the power it is my obligation as a noble
I destroy the economy and people's freedom but for the best of intentions
I am progressive trust me


I am not a socialist I am a progressive
Protecting the people from evil Capitalists is progressive because it's a new idea
Progress comes from Capitalists but they monopolize it and take advantage of workers
Therefore we need to control them for the sake of the people
We will deprive them of capital and distribute it fairly to the workers.
Without capitol they won't make the kind of progress they can take advantage of
Even though we will make no progress we have progressed because it is different

Change and Hope

Change is new
New is progressive
Any kind of change is better than doing nothing
Let make progress through change and hope it works

Old ideas haven't worked
New ideas are progressive and will work
I have changed all history to fit my current perspective
so the ideas that never worked are forgotten or ignored
My new ideas are the same old really bad ones
But to us they are new so we have Hope for change

Poli-Ticks

Fascists were called right wing. Republicans are called right wing. Republicans are Fascists.

Fascists are terrible and evil. Republicans are terrible and evil.

Explosives must be precisely placed to demolish buildings by implosion.
Since the World Trade center imploded it must have been caused by precisely planted explosives.
Terrorists used planes which aren't a precisely placed explosive. Terrorists couldn't have caused the WTC to implode.
It was evil to destroy the WTC.
Bush and Jews are evil and the terrorists couldn't have done it. So Bush did it together with the Jews.

Jews and Bush are the devil and evil. (Penguin Logic: Jew Bullation)
Israel is a Jewish state and I hate evil and the devil. So I hate Israel, Bush and the USA.
Islamists hate Israel/USA. I feel the same way. I support them and their hate propaganda.
But those Israel/USA Haters are liars, racists, terrorists and monsters who murder innocents.
I am not any of those so they can't be either.
Islamists are just militants in a valiant struggle for freedom and land.
They are all just victims of an oppressive Zionist entity and the USA.
I don't hate Jews only Big Bad Israel/USA.

It's good to care. I care so I am good.
If you don't care about what I do you are bad and must be forced to do as I do because it's good.

War is the opposite of Peace. If we don't make war then we have peace.
We should withdraw our troops and never fight again.

If it's possible then it could be true.
Any way out theory that I make up is possible. So I will believe it's true.
You show me facts, proof or logic, that contradicts what I believe is true. Your facts, proof or logic must be a lie and you are a liar.
I'm angry because you are lying to me.
I'm so angry that I curse, slap, hurt, burn, spurn, punish, humiliate, slander and ruin you.
My bad actions are your fault because you lied to me.
Liars are bad. Liars should shut up and be censored. Liars are hateful.
You are so hateful that you should die.

Righteous poverty

Only the good die young
Nice Guys finish last
Bad things happen to good people
The rich live longer, finish first and avoid bad things.
The Rich must be evil bad people.

Money is the root of all evil
I am poor so I must be good

I am afraid to get a better Job
I am really afraid to open a business
Education is not my thing
I am not willing to do the evil things needed to get rich.

I am morally superior.

The Greater Good or Govern-Mint

Taking money from people by force is stealing.
Stealing is bad!
Giving money to the needy is called charity.
Charity is good!
If I steal money but give it to charity, one balances the other.

Taxes are monies taken from people by force of law.
Taxes must be used to help the needy to justify the theft and offset the guilt.
The more Socialist programs the government creates the better.

Government welfare helps the needy so it must be charitable and good.
Welfare laws discourage work, create multi-generational dependency and keep people needy.
That's lucky because if there were no needy people then we could not give charity and do good.

To be good and not just neutral our charity must be greater than our theft.
We use taxes to pay for essential government services like defense which isn't charity.
To keep being good we need to borrow money to compensate and fund more spending on the needy.

We have to pay back the money we borrowed plus interest.
We borrrow the amount of the debt from someone else to pay back the prior lender and so on.

We eventually tax you so much that it doesn't pay to work.
If you don't work you won't earn any money for us to steal.
Plan B. We steal half the value of your homes, cars and other assets by printing twice as much money and creating inflation.
To make up for the money which is now worth half we must double our payments to the needy by tying them to inflation.
Now we can pay back our loans 50 cents on the Dollar.

Soon nobody works, no one has any assets left and we all become needy.
Yay! We can give the rest of the world a chance to be good.

Enviro-Mental

Global Warming is due to Carbon Dioxide.
Humans exhale Carbon Dioxide.
Eliminating Humans will stop Global Warming.

Humans evolved. Animals evolved. Therefore humans are animals.
Humans are animals and have rights. Therefore Animals have the same rights as Humans.
http://www.stumbleupon.com/click_redir.php?t=499070a36987d&src=blog&u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanevents.com%2Farticle.php%3Fid%3D30266

Animals have the right to life.
Humans who kill and eat animals should be killed to protect animals.

Chimpanzees have similar Genes to a Person
Chimpanzees should be declared a Person.
http://www.livescience.com/animals/070927_ap_chimp_human.html

Government agencies are made of government workers.
Government agencies are created, funded and sustained by laws.
Government workers want to keep their jobs forever.
Legislators who make laws are government workers.
Legislators make laws that will sustain government worker's jobs forever.

We scientists at the government agency NOAA have proved that CO2 buildup is irreversible.
Laws sustain government jobs
We will make it law to keep trying to fix irreversible CO2 buildup.

Islamic Pest Control

OK this one isn't funny, it's tragic and perhaps should be posted in Islamic Evil.
This hypocritical faulty logic is based on this speech:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzK114-Q8zg

The world knew nothing about Islam before 9-11.
The world is now afraid and horrified by Muslim terrorist actions and Islamist ideology.
Muslims are hated for massacring innocent women and children.
The United States declared war on Muslim Taliban who supported the 9-11 terrorists.
Aha! The Jewish Nation is leading the world in the all encompassing and vicious war against Islam and Muslims!

We Muslims believe that Israel is in the heart of Muslim-Arab territory.
Non-Muslims and Jews trespassing on Islamic land are not innocent and can be butchered
We Muslims commit acts of terror and murder on Jewish Women and Children.
Jews hate us for this and defend themselves.
See!  The Holy Quran teaches us that Jewish souls are naturally disposed to war and hatred for Muhammed and Islam.

We have vast oil wealth and use it to influence the media.
We teach that Jews Killed Allah's Prophet Jesus and tried to murder Muhammed.
We also spread Nazi propaganda like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion and blood libel worldwide.
The UN allows, encourages and helps us with never ending resolutions against Israel.
See!  Just as the Protocols reveal, Jews control world economics and communications.

Somali Pirates besiege the sea and hijack ships for ransom. Somalis are Muslim.
Arab Muslim culture dominates the world because we Arabs destroyed all indigenous culture after we conquered most of the world.
Somehow the Jews are besieging the world through land, air and sea with American might through their control of America's ruling body, the Senate and the world can't stop them.

Jewish expansion is a cancer that wants to rule the world
The Holy Quran teaches us that Islam must expand and rule the world

By Allah's will all Jewish property will be destroyed and their children exterminated until no Jew or Zionist will be left on the face of this world
The Jews are afraid of this and prepare for war.
See!  The Holy Quran teaches us that Jewish souls are naturally disposed to war and hatred for Muhammed and Islam.

Terrorists to the Right of me in little pink houses.

The Patriot Act under Bush allowed warrentless monitoring only of terrorists.
Under Obama all right-wing extremists i.e.
- Racists, Anti-Semites, Hate groups such as Skinheads and Neo-Nazis
- Those who are antagonistic to Obama and his stance on issues
- Those who oppose a single issue such as Abortion, same-sex marriage, illegal immigration, oppresive taxation, massive government debt (tea party participants), outsourcing of Jobs, welfare, Social Security, Medicare, gun control, inter-racial crime, free trade agreements, a world government, massive foreign investment in the US and government infringments of civil liberties.
- Those who support limited government and the Constitutional protection of State Power.
- Veterans returning from war who possess combat skills and experience
- People who purchase guns
- Christians

Hell anyone that's conservative or disagrees with us Democrat/Socialists are terrorists.

Now we can monitor anyone (except Islamists) (and it's still Bush's fault).

http://wnd.com/images/dhs-rightwing-extremism.pdf

Rightwing extremism in the United States can be broadly divided into those groups, movements, and adherents that are primarily hate-oriented (based on hatred of particular religious, racial or ethnic groups), and those that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely. It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.

Many rightwing extremists are antagonistic toward the new presidential administration and its perceived stance on a range of issues, including immigration and citizenship, the expansion of social programs to minorities, and restrictions on firearms
- Department of Homeland Security under Obama

I think it is important for all of us to remember that Americans are not the enemy. The terrorists are. - David K. Rehbein National Commander The American Legion

Obama Jama Yo Mama Ain't Islama

Timothy McVeigh was a trained military veteran
He blew up 150 people in Oklahoma City
He was a domestic terrorist
All 42 million military veterans could do what he did
Homeland Security is to regard all veterans as potential domestic terrorists

Every act of terrorism in the last quarter century has been committed by Muslims
Except Timothy McVeigh's bombing in Oklahoma.
(Although highly unlikely) it's possible that a terrorist may not be a Muslim
Therefore, we will not utter Muslim and terrorist in the same sentence.

America is dependent on Muslim controlled oil and needs Saudi Arabia
Saudi Arabia finances Muslim terrorism and Radical Islamic teaching in Mosques
That's ok because we are not at war with Islam and there are only insurgents and militants.

Every Pirate is a Black Muslim from Somalia
We aren't racist or at war with Islam
They are just teenagers trying to make a living in a poor country.

I Must in the morning

I'm an Attic so I MUST be musty.
I'm an Addict so I MUST not be trusty.

I am worshipped so I MUST be God
Kids need discipline so I MUST not spare the Rod.

My Rap words rhyme so I MUST be a poet.
I've fallen on my Penis so I MUST not Blow it.

Jew Bullation II

I am a Christian and we are taught that the Jews killed god on a Roman cross.
Killing god is the ultimate sin.
Jews are ultimate sinners.
Whatever we do to the Jews is OK because they deserve it.

I am a Muslim and we are taught that the Jews rejected Muhammed.
Rejecting Muhammed is the ultimate sin.
Jews are ultimate sinners.
Whatever we do to the Jews is OK because they deserved it and the Christians won't mind.

Jew Bullation

Love of Money is the root of all evil.
Jews love Money.
Jews are evil.

The devil has horns.
My innacurate Bible translation says Moses had horns.
Jews are the devil.

Victim Hoodwink

Whites enslaved blacks.
Slavery is Oppression.
Whites are oppressors.

The oppressed are victims.
Victims should be compensated.
So we the jury find O.J. Simpson innocent of murder because he is black.
We want affirmative action excluding whites forever.
Victims can't get ahead so we need government help forever.
Vote Democrat because they understand and give us our fix.

America is run by White oppressors (Jews, Republicans etc.). So, everything America does in the world is oppressive.
Opression on this scale is the ultimate evil.
Bush is the President so Bush is the ultimate evil.
The devil is the ultimate Evil. So Bush and America are both the Devil.

Jail Birdbrain

People say no but can be convinced to say yes.
This woman is saying no to sex.
It's not rape because no is just a prelude to yes.